time for a catch up

Its been pretty wild the past few weeks. I even forgot I had this blog to clear my head! Strange because in the mornings, i have nothing to do it would be easy to drink my coffee and let the girls watch tv while I blog away. But nooo, I rot on FB and look around at shoes I can never afford. Lately I've been looking for the perfect dress for Subball. I want something unique and interesting, something that suits me. The only dress I love is $250 and I cannot justify spending that much on a dress. The ball is on the 14th so I still have time. If I dont find anything else I'll prolly spend the money. There are so many places in Va Beach/Norfolk that put shopping around here to shame so I'm dragging Marla out for a day to find something(possibly). Last time I wrote it was Valentines day. Still a sore subject this year. Bill thinks its some Hallmark holiday but I love the flowers and cards. But he was out to sea so I guess thats neither here nor there this year. He ended up coming home much earlier than expected from this underway. It was difficult at first, he was in the way and constantly pissing me off. I was so mad at him all the time for God knows what  now but at the time it was earth shattering Im sure. I read that sex heals most wounds and solves most arguments and it was so hard getting over the fact that I was pissed off to let him even hold my hand let alone take off my clothes! Long story short: sex worked. PHEW, so now things are great, he's home all the time until June and he's totally involved with the daily life I usually attend to and what a help its been. I didnt even realize how stressful it is doing the day-to-day with three kids until Bill is home and helping out with stuff I didnt know I needed help with! Im not sure that made sense but it's true.

effing Vday

I think the second annual Effy Awards will be posted soon. I'm getting kinda bitter and have a lot of things to tell to fuck off. I'll think about it a bit and see how many catagories there will be and of course what the winners will be! Last year I gave an Effy to quite a few things. This year things were pleasant but have taken a rotten turn. Maybe its because its Vday? Who the hell knows but there will def be a holiday catagory in this years Effies. ANYWAY........Bill called yesterday and my mood just got worse. It's not like I've been in a bad mood, just indifferent. Neither good nor bad. But he calls me drunk and I cant say I blame him! Hell I'd be drunk too! Shiiiiiiit. Gimme a day off (night included) and I'll get shitfaced too! Buuut the problem is, I really just wanted to have a conversation with him and I couldnt. So we hung up and were able to talk this afternoon. I got an idea of how much leave he gets so maybe we could do a vacation and all his leave dates are super sucky because they dont coincide with the kids vacation from school! So no Florida and no Va Beach. MPHFFF. Now what the fuck do we do?? Sit around the god damn house for a month? Gahhhh. I suppose we'll figure out something but for now it looks pretty crappy. All he's gonna do is be home and mess up the place.

Sigh. People are strange. one person gave me the ass-face when I asked her to move her kids high chair so I could get my stroller past. Like she was so bothered by my request. EXcuuuuuuuse me, honey. I didnt realize your life was SO hard.

Today is Valentines day. Oh the love in the air is contagious! The flowers from my sweet love smell delicious! My heart is a-flutter with devotion and undying love. WhatEVER. I could gag and spit all fucking day long. Went to the gym this morning and ran 5 miles on the treadmill in about 45 minutes. It felt like 45 hours though. I hate the friggin treadmill but my half marathon is next weekend and dont have enough miles under my belt. My music genius brother in law gave me some suggestions for music so I was rockin out to some stuff I never would have thought of by myself. Thanks to him those miles went a little easier. I cancelled my Salon class. It just wasnt getting the people it did in the beginning. So hopefully it will pick up again in the next couple months. We'll see. So to make up for that, I'm starting a Bootcamp class at the gym! That will be fun! I need to do more research into that and then make a killer 40 min class.

God Bless the USA

AT Monster Jam this afternoon, they opened the show with the song "God Bless The USA" and a bunch of guys brought out this huge American Flag and the announcer guy told all those currently serving/police/firefighters/first responders to stand and we all applauded. Then we all rose and in the brief moments between "God Bless the USA" and the national anthem I look over at Mason and he has tears in his eyes. He's not crying but he's fighting them back hard. The song had a real affect on him, it did me too but I never thought it would get to a seven year old. I gave him a kiss on the forehead and he said "im fine, im fine." I told him it made me choke up a bit too. That was really profound for me to look at my boy swelling with emotion to a song. After that, it was all muscle, horsepower, and huge tires slingin dirt around. They also had some killer dirtbike stunts and quad races. Pretty neat! Lots of fun with Mase and Cam. They made it out of there with foam Grave Digger hats and a massive bag of cotton candy each costing 15 bucks! It was worth every penny. Also thank God for great people. Greta offered to hang out with Lauren today and that was super because she had a little friend to play with all day long.
Im going to watch the Grammys tonight. They are going to be doing a huge tribute to Whitney Houston for sure. She died yesterday in her hotel the night before the grammys. No doubt partying at all the Grammy pre-parties.What a waste. She was truely one of the greatest singers of the past 25 years and she just pissed it all away. Plus all those around her knew she had an addiction problem and they still indulged her anyway. That's how I see it. Who knows what really happened. Guess we'll all find out when the reports come out in a couple weeks.

huffing spray paint

I've been very busy in the kitchen making it a whole different color. Today I did the trim and the back door white to really set off the blue walls. It looks amazing and I got to inhale paint fumes from the rattle can I used to do the door. So redneck sounding: "yep I just rattlecanned the back door. Looks juuust fiiine.." This project of mine is gonna take a lot longer than I thought. In the beginning it was "hey, imma paint the walls blue." Now its the trim, back door, cabinets, cabinet doors, and the hallway is looking mighty tempting. I STILL smell that rattle can and it's been over an hour since I quit painting! Oh well, between that and the box o wine I should sleep well. Yes box o wine. Rattle cans and box o wine. White trash rocks. Sposed to snow tmrw, Im hoping Idont have to wake up early and shovel an ass ton of snow again. I swear to God everytime that man leaves, Im the one who ends up shoveling the fucking snow. The last thing i want to do is go out and shovel only to get to the gym and have no one in my class because of a few stupid inches of snow. People around here are wussies. 3 inches of snow is nothing! Try 3 FEET. IN 3 HOURS!! Thats real snow.Not this shit that melts in the 24 hours that follow. My poor kids just wanna make a friggin snow man! Speaking of snow men, my husband has yet to email me in like a week. I realize he's busy, but come ON. I could punch him right now. What ever. 2 emails since he left. That's unsat. We go through this everytime, I email like every other day and in return I get about 1 or 2 emails a month. Lovely. It's crazy but this underway I dont even miss him. He's been working so much including weekends before he left that its like he's already been gone. Hearing about the ladies who say "I miss my better half" and "my best friend is gone" makes me want to gag. I roll my eyes and get on with my day. Who knows, maybe this is some sorta phase or funk but its really strange to have no feelings at all about being lonely. All this Valentines crap going on just makes me more numb to it all. I sit there watching TV and all I think about is all the UN-romantic things he's done in the past. Why I can't focus on the good is beyond me. Maybe knowing that he's going to another boat is causing me to prep for more of the single parent thing and I've built a huge wall. I seriously could care less right now that he's not here. God that sounds awful. This painting project of mine was supposed to keep me working harder around here to get some inspiration and maybe some feelings worked up but all I think about is how Bill's gonna hate the color and criticize some visible brush strokes. Hell, he prolly wont even notice but this is what I think about while I paint. Really counter productive I get that, I just dont know what else I can do to get out of this "robot" state I'm in. That's the perfect way to describe what I got going on: I'm a fucking ROBOT.  A box o wine drinking robot.

9 miles

That's how far I made it today, it was a great run. I set a goal for an hour and a half and I came in at 1:33. Not too bad. Im beginning to think I might be able to run the entire half marathon. I do stop but just to take a sip of my water (stowed away in that frigging fanny pack) so I dont choke while running. Its always good to NOT croak on the side of the road. Next weekend I plan on taking the kids to Monster Jam so idk how Im going to fit in the long run. So after I get done with the run, dinner gets cooked and off we go to Lowes. I bought a gallon of blue paint and started painting the kitchen! Because what else would one do after running 9 miles? Lol, Bill is going to hate the color...its a bright blue but its a happy color. The walls needed some brightening and this is sure gonna do the trick. I love color in the house but Bill would rather have everything beige. I figure with him gone, I can get some things done around here that normally would never get accomplished. The kitchen is going to be a pain in the ass...the cupboards are getting some paint too. But this time I'm going to seal the cupboards with a clear coat. We really should've done that 8 years ago. Another busy week is on tap and no complaints from this lady. The more shit I can fit into our days the better and faster they go by. Nothing wrong with sitting around all morning every once in a while and I'll be the first to admit that's my favorite thing to do. Just sit around drink coffee till 10 or so while the girls watch tv or do whatever. If I could do that every day, I'd be happy. However being a mom makes me feel guilty about everything so of course I'd feel bad about letting their little brains rot in front of that big screen.

I ate half my body weight tonight

This morning I had to fast for a blood test to get me some life insurance. I've only been covered by Bill's military policy for 10k for the past 9 years! Its not something that we think of all the time but finally we did it and Im prolly going to be worth more dead than alive. Pretty grim! So finally the lady leaves the house at 945 and Im starving but have a 10am nail appt and my nails were looking trashy so I didnt want to be late for that. Quick grabbed a granola bar and had a real cup of coffee at the salon. Finally home (with very pretty nails) I ate a huge lunch. Like way too big but I was starving!! Then a cupcake to go with it. I drop Cam off at Pk and come home for a lil bit and off again to the Chiro. Home again for an hour and off to the gym to teach my class and do a quick workout. I told the kids we'd be going to McD's for dinner. Its 7pm and we're all ravenous by this point. The drive thru was super slow and we dont end up home till 745! I cannot believe I actually at a quarter pounder, med fry, another small fry(cuz Lauren didnt eat hers), and two cupcakes. Yes that totaled 3 cupcakes in one afternoon/evening. Real cute. OH dont forget the med Sprite. Finished that too. Then I get online and watch some video that was onmy Yahoo homepage about Jamie Oliver ranting about "meat treated with ammonia." I will not be going back to McD's next week. Here Im thinking it would be a good treat for the kids after my class and Idont have to cook....blah blah blah. All I know is the ground beef I buy will be selected way more carefully from now on. I think its just the ground beef that is under fire. Not sure about ground chicken or turkey. There's a local farm around the corner. I'll give them a call for our beef from now on. Might be worth the extra money to know that it's fresh. Or maybe I can just have Stop and Shop grind it for me. Either way, that really bothered me. So here I sit super fat and stuffed from mystery meat (McD's claims they stopped using the pink sludge last year but who the hell really knows) and way more french fries and cupcakes than I ever should have consumed. Fasting this morning really threw me off in a big way! Anyway, I've been off my cooking game since B left so I need to sit and do a meal plan again. I love doing that. It helps at the grocery store and makes my life easier at home. So tired. This week has been a blur and it's not stopping anytime soon. Holy crap my eyes are stinging. Its time to get to bed.

I bought a fanny pack

Last summer when I was training for a half, I tried to do 8 miles after eating hardly anything that morning washed down with a mere cup of coffee. I was about a mile or so from the house when my knee seized up and all my appendages swelled up like sausages. I was dehydrated and miserable. Bill was worried about me so he came to rescue me. Lesson learned. Went to Dicks on Sat and bought a "runners belt" aka "fanny pack." This turned out to be a very good buy because I was able to keep hydrated and take my cell phone with me in case I have any knee issues. Which reminds me of the time last summer when I tried to take my cell running and stuck it in my sports bra. It died a sweaty death. That would be the first and only time my boobs actually killed something. So the 8 I ran on Sunday went very well, very slow, but very well. I'm not sure if I could have gone any faster. I didnt time myself because I just wanted to finish the 8 miles without getting discouraged. Its been hard logging the miles necessary to train for this half on the 25th so it was very important for me to get through this run. I figured if I could do 8 then another 5 would be do-able. I have lots of people offering to help me out while B is gone. Usually I just make due on my own but I really want to do this half so Im taking ppl up on their offers this time. After Cami goes to school, Lauren is going to hang out with Greta for an hour while I get 5 miles in today. Tmrow I'll work out at the Gym and figure out the rest of the week.................Mom came to visit and help out this wknd. I called on Saturday around noon and she says ok I'll be there in 5 hrs! Crazy lady. It was nice having her here tho, weekends are the most difficult when B is underway. We have our routine during the week but Sat and Sun can get dull fast. Im not motivated to do much. So far things have been ok without the man/beast around. He was working so much b4 the underway that its not much different w/o him home at night. I havent been going to any FRG events or meetings. I guess I'm over it. It's to the point for me now where Im just numb to all that goes on with underways and Navy life. Im focusing my time up here in Griswold with school events and local events and with other parents around here. It sounds awful to say that "Im numb" but to get so sad and dwell on the negative is pointless for me. So Im blocking it out and getting on with what i have to do around here. Keep good friends, keep busy, and pray for patience.