so scary

 I had a huge scare, poor Lauren fell off the changing table! I was literally a foot and a half from her and just far enough away to not be able to catch her. Needless to say I was devastated. To see this all play out in front of me and to be able to do nothing about it (not for any lack of trying) was heartbreaking. Luckily, she landed on her side and she came out of it all scared but fine. We cuddled together and I think she forgave me. Its been a couple days now and everything is fine with her but I will never forgive myself for not paying enough attention to how she was sitting on the table. She was sitting up instead of lying down...when she's lying down she cant roll off. I will be moving her dresser next to the changing table shortly.


Today is Christmas! It was such a wonderful day, the kids made out like bandits and I didnt do too bad either heh heh! Bill got me a pair of diamond earrings! They are gorgeous and have no idea how we are going to pay for them!!! Oh well, he says I deserve them and God Damn it he's prolly right. Lots of shit went down this year and I was left do deal with the shit that rolled down the hill. The earrings are round and about .8ct tw. So they are pretty good sized and verrrrry pretty! My parents and Bills family gave me lots of gift certs to play with and I will have a great time spending that money. Lauren slept most of her first Christmas...guess it was more than she could handle lol! Mase and Cami were super busy playing with all the neat stuff they got. The loved the big train table and spent lots of time with that today. In the morning, Mase and Bill are leaving for Indiana until Thurs. I do NOT like the idea of my baby leaving me for 4 days and I even told Bill to NEVER let go of his hand in the airport. Sometimes I feel like he thinks Mase is a "big boy" and knows to just stick close by. But an airport is full of crazies, drunks, ass holes, and freaks so if I didnt say something to Bill I couldn't have lived with myself. He said I was acting like he was a bad parent but I dont care. It needed to be said. Bill told me that he will be sure to never let go during the layover. I also need to be sure he doesnt turn his back on him either. For no reason. AAAAK I do NOT like this at ALLLL. It doesnt matter that Mase is going with his daddy, my husband and love of my life, I DONT LIKE MY BABY LEAVING ME FOR FOUR DAYS.