huffing spray paint

I've been very busy in the kitchen making it a whole different color. Today I did the trim and the back door white to really set off the blue walls. It looks amazing and I got to inhale paint fumes from the rattle can I used to do the door. So redneck sounding: "yep I just rattlecanned the back door. Looks juuust fiiine.." This project of mine is gonna take a lot longer than I thought. In the beginning it was "hey, imma paint the walls blue." Now its the trim, back door, cabinets, cabinet doors, and the hallway is looking mighty tempting. I STILL smell that rattle can and it's been over an hour since I quit painting! Oh well, between that and the box o wine I should sleep well. Yes box o wine. Rattle cans and box o wine. White trash rocks. Sposed to snow tmrw, Im hoping Idont have to wake up early and shovel an ass ton of snow again. I swear to God everytime that man leaves, Im the one who ends up shoveling the fucking snow. The last thing i want to do is go out and shovel only to get to the gym and have no one in my class because of a few stupid inches of snow. People around here are wussies. 3 inches of snow is nothing! Try 3 FEET. IN 3 HOURS!! Thats real snow.Not this shit that melts in the 24 hours that follow. My poor kids just wanna make a friggin snow man! Speaking of snow men, my husband has yet to email me in like a week. I realize he's busy, but come ON. I could punch him right now. What ever. 2 emails since he left. That's unsat. We go through this everytime, I email like every other day and in return I get about 1 or 2 emails a month. Lovely. It's crazy but this underway I dont even miss him. He's been working so much including weekends before he left that its like he's already been gone. Hearing about the ladies who say "I miss my better half" and "my best friend is gone" makes me want to gag. I roll my eyes and get on with my day. Who knows, maybe this is some sorta phase or funk but its really strange to have no feelings at all about being lonely. All this Valentines crap going on just makes me more numb to it all. I sit there watching TV and all I think about is all the UN-romantic things he's done in the past. Why I can't focus on the good is beyond me. Maybe knowing that he's going to another boat is causing me to prep for more of the single parent thing and I've built a huge wall. I seriously could care less right now that he's not here. God that sounds awful. This painting project of mine was supposed to keep me working harder around here to get some inspiration and maybe some feelings worked up but all I think about is how Bill's gonna hate the color and criticize some visible brush strokes. Hell, he prolly wont even notice but this is what I think about while I paint. Really counter productive I get that, I just dont know what else I can do to get out of this "robot" state I'm in. That's the perfect way to describe what I got going on: I'm a fucking ROBOT.  A box o wine drinking robot.