my dog

I thought this would be the best way to tell how Mojo was doing. The past few months have been very rough for her. It started when we went to Syracuse at the end of July and she has made a slow decline since then. Her breathing was erratic and it seemed like she had doggy Pneumonia. She went on Antibiotics and a diuretic and that helped a little bit for a while. She went back to the Vet a month later for more Xrays and a centisis to drain the fluid that built up around her belly. Her breathing became labored again and she quit eating. After the 10 pounds of fluid was drained, her appetite came back a bit and she was a little more perky. But that didnt last long. She started to turn her nose up at food and beg more for table scraps and it seemed like she was really struggling to breath. Really scary. So we scheduled an ultra sound for her....far more than I ever thought I'd do for a mutt. This dog has driven me nuts for 9 years and here we are spending money we dont have on her to find out what is wrong with her. Well, the u/s came back inconclusive! So frustrating for us and for the Vet. Unreal. There was nothing unusual at all showing up on the screen. We could send out her fluid samples and spend hundreds of dollars to MAYbe find out something and we could spend thousands of dollars to special cancer centers to MAYbe find out something. Practically, that is not an option. So for now, we just had her belly drained again today...another 10 pounds of fluid! She still has a hard time breathing and she is constantly shivering. I dont know if the shivering is due to pain or her being chilly. We bought her a memory foam dog bed topper and a heated blanket to help her warm up a bit and feel more comfy. The newest problem she has is her shoulder. She can barely walk. She's limping and has a hard time going up and down the porch steps let alone a whole flight of stairs. So I had to bring her dog crate up to the living room for when we leave the house. Our living room is so tightly packed with furniture that I put an ad on Craigslist to get rid of our piano. I wish someone would take it, like, yesterday. So, now its day by day with her. We have to see how fast the fluid comes back this time. I have a feeling its going to come back faster than the 3 weeks it took to come back last time. I hope thats not the case and she can go on being Mojo for a while longer. Part of me knows its just not humane to keep draining her belly once a month and its not a cure for whatever mystery ailment from which she's suffering. She's still in pretty good spirits and wags her tail when she's outside and when we talk to her. I really thought that ultrasound was going to be her death sentence. I was sure there was some massive tumor in her heart or lungs that was causing all this malarky. I made peace with the decision to put her down and even wrote her a note I was going to read to her at the vet. I'd share that now but Im not ready to do that yet. When the time comes and she leaves us, I'll share those words. It's been very difficult for me to deal with the fact that a little life is my hands. I have shed lots of tears this past week and I continue to wrestle with the decision to put her down. How can I do that? It doesnt seem fair to her. Then again it's not fair to the kids to not be able to play with her and climb all over her because she's fragile. My kids know Mojo is sick and they continue to watch her lay around and struggle. There's no way to make this decision easily. How long do I keep draining her belly, giving her Bufferin for the leg pain, diuretics for the bloating, and cooking a low sodium diet to help with fluid retention? There's no right answer.