turning point

the past seven days have been a real struggle. things went from bad to worse to just ok on Easter. After arguing about the shit that was packed for my mom, we all went to church and got us some Jesus. I thought all was well till we got back to the house and dad said they were leaving. I was livid to the point of tears. it was fucking Easter. so i went up the street where Bill was chillin with TJ and I told him he needed to talk to my dad. I was at my wits end by that point now crying at our friends house. If dad had left that day i'm not sure I could forgive that...anytime soon anyway. I was all geared up for a 9 mile run but could only get 7 that day. i had no clue how to handle this situation anymore. everything I said or did, i got pushback. everything my sister and i have said for the past 5 years have been ignored. now things are getting bad and it's insane. we started building a new bathroom for them hoping they would move in. so the days went by and everyday i thought i might have to go back on my meds. im doing so well off of them and lost 10 pounds in a month as a bonus. I havent been below 150 in 5 years. anyway  now that im in therapy once a week since going off the meds i have been able to talk out this situation and figure out a different way to work through this with my parents instead of bullnosing through it. I'll see how things pan out. it sucks seeing my mom like this cuz she's not my mom anymore. i want her to have the very best care. i just want to help. ANYWAY now that its the start of a new week i'm hoping I can actually get my Goddamn shit together. I have dropped so many balls in the past few weeks. i just have to pay the fuck attention to who needs to be where and when and what needs to be packed for what event. the next two months are so fucking busy and im turning into "slacker mom." Totally unreliable mom. it's a work in progress. i did start out on a positive note today, managed to get the kids everywhere they needed to be this morning ON TIME. then i ran 10 miles! 10.3 to be exact. next week will be 11 and then on the 7th is the Providence Half Marathon. I will take a couple weeks off and begin the Marathon training. It will take me all 5 months to train for it. I really dont know what i was thinking. HM's are crazy enough. But then again I am just the right amount of crazy. Cheers to a new week and staying on point.



edit: a week later...................................i did manage to get my shit together. which is good I was beginning to lose faith in myself. The only thing I need to get under control is my anxiety. I havent noticed the depression creeping back but i seem to be on the constant verge of an all out anxiety attack.yesterday i thought about going back to the meds but decided no, stick to this plan for a few more months to really get a grip on how my body and mind will keep adjusting. go the "natural" route. last night I needed a little something and ended up falling asleep at 930.  Today is good though. I think Im just too worn out! Ran 11 miles today, it was ok. got pissed that i kept having to fuss with my gear. if it wasnt my water, it was my fanny pack or my shoe laces. Ugh i tied and retied them four times! the last time i went to stand up and nearly passed the fuck out! i got a massage and then we all went for sushi. fine by me! no need for cooking. Im looking forward to a good week, hoping i keep my shit together.